On Principled Living
our principles, our anchors. and an offering for the times
I sit at the western most edge of the Mediterranean, staring out across the sea toward Palestine. I sit with the heavy weight of grief—lungs contracting, tears welling, face flushing with rage.
It’s been more than two months now since the US-backed campaign to extinguish Palestine went into full effect. Alongside the immense grief, so many glimpses of possibility have crashed through me in this time (thanks to incredible, courageous Palestinians, anti-Zionist Jews, and other organizers). A visual I can’t shake is an ever-growing web of principled people in loving, accountable relationship. Always ready to move as one to defend the collective.
In adrienne maree brown (amb)’s delightful interview with Geryll (Dr. G. Love) Robinson, Dr. G. Love reflects on the importance of having clear Values, Interests, and Principles (VIPs) as people who want to free humanity from the bonds of oppressive systems.
Inspired by their conversation, I recently put pen to paper to discover my VIPs. I share them here to be transparent and accountable, and to encourage you to write and share your VIPs. Maybe they’ll strengthen our ability to move together. At the least, they’ll serve as an anchor when the winds of imperialism try to sweep us up.
~~
Values
amb succinctly defined values as “what you value in the world.” My values are transparency, equity, courage, mutuality, and choice. And my therapist recently reflected to me that gratitude and accountability are values I seem to practice. Indeed.
Interests
Here, amb offers the definition of “what interests you.” So many things, but a couple that are top of mind: I’m interested in a safer, more caring society. I’m interested in a restructuring of the economy such that our collective humanity can be honored and our creativity can flourish.
Principles
This one, from the perspective of amb, may be trickier for us to tease out given how entrenched we are in the shape of the society we were born into. Dr. G. Love uses the analogy of a house: we may think we are moving in a principled way, but our consciousness doesn’t yet realize there’s a whole series of windows and doors that haven’t been exposed to us. As we discover more windows and doors in the house of life, our principles change. That said, here are five principles that flowed from my fingers as I reflected today:
Pause in care. It’s too easy (for me, at least) to reenact the reactionary, critical modes of communication I’ve seen modeled around me. I practice pausing, and then responding from a place of care.
Receive and take responsibility. We all mess up in ways we may not be aware of. To receive feedback or other insights that increase self-awareness is a gift. I receive these gifts, take responsibility for the impact of my actions/words, and change.
Choice, choice, choice.1 Every day we’re faced with hundreds of choices, most of which we pass by without intention. I strive to be deeply intentional with as many of my choices as possible.
The noticing is the work.2 I have many tendencies I’m working to change to become my most trustworthy self. Some days these things feel deeply rooted and impossible to shift, but by returning to this nugget of wisdom, so much has been possible. Once I notice a tendency, it’s easier to reorient myself and move with more caring, conscious behavior.
Praxis is my discipline. Action without reflection can be dangerous, and reflection without action can be unaccountable and lifeless. I strive to cultivate discipline and rigor in the place where action and reflection meet.
These will undoubtedly evolve as I become more aware of the “windows and doors” in the house of life, but they’re the principles that feel closest to me at this moment.
What about you? When you reflect on your VIPs, what comes up today? How might your VIPs support a culture in which care is central?
~~
It might feel like a lot to live a principled life while continuing to make money and pay rent and be a friend and family member and human, all while bearing witness to genocide. That’s because it is a lot. If you need support but can’t afford a coach, I’m offering 3 free coaching sessions per person to 3 people. Complete this quick form to explore what it might look like to work together to help you care for yourself so you can show up for this world that needs each and every one of our hearts.
With care,
Alyssa
Shoutout to my creative partner Dhara for co-creating this principle with me as part of our facilitation practice <3
This is beautiful! I'm inspired to journal my own VIPs -- thank you!